Valentines Day

I WAS going to write a long introduction as to why this post is being brought to you today, but I am running low on time, and it is vitally important that this post goes up soon.
Here's the short version: My mom told me that I have to clean my room unless I can get a super hot date. Not very many guys actually know how overly qualified I am as a girlfriend. This is a problem when it comes to dating, so I have compiled a list of my very best qualities to make this whole thing easier. I took a nap today instead of writing this post, so gents, you only have a couple of hours.

1. I can cook anything that comes frozen in a box with easy-to-understand cooking instructions.
2. I have 20-20 vision.
3. I have good personal hygiene.
4. My boyfriend would never have to worry about me being hit on by other guys.
5. I have soft hair.
6. There are three languages that I can amost speak in.
7. I am an animal lover- an by that I mean that I really just love cats. meow.
8. I am an amateur ukulele player.
9. If I jump, I can touch ceilings that are a standard distance from the floor (excellent for spider killing).
10. I can provide exclusive commentary on movies while watching them.
11. I can clean certain things if properly motivated.
12. I have seen every season of every good show on Netflix.
13. I am employed at a fast food restaraunt.
14. I don't have to be home until 9:00 on week nights.

It is February 14th, and I just gave you 14 good reasons to show up at my house holding a boom box over your head.